Soy for Valentine’s Day? Better Bypass this Idea

The Soyfoods Association of North America came out with some memorable suggestions last year for Valentine’s Day.    In fact they were so heart-stoppingly memorable,  I cannot resist sharing them once again!

The Soyfoods Association of North America suggests we serve lots of  “great tasting and great-for-you soyfoods” this Valentine’s Day  “to protect the hearts of those we love.”   What’s more, SANA offers some naughty suggestions to make this day memorable for lovers.  To wit:

• “Surprise your sweetie by making them breakfast in bed; heart-shaped pancakes made with soymilk and topped with fresh fruit will start their day off right.”  

Interesting idea there –  making “them” breakfast in bed.   How hot is that?   Is SANA suggesting a threesome or an orgy?   Or perhaps a cardio morning of trotting quickly from one sweetie’s bed to the next?   Naughty minds want to know. . .

• “Plan a picnic in the park; pack sandwiches made with veggie deli slices and soy cheese for a high protein, low saturated fat, cholesterol free meal.”

With soy many picnic possibilities, how will we ever pick?   Phoney Baloney,  Approximeat, Mockwurst, Soyloin, Roast Almost, Soysage, Nauseage, Misteak, Veat, Sham Ham, Wham, Tuno, Fakin’ Bakin, Soylent Green?    Gotta love all those veggie deli slices and soy cheeses high in “healthy” ingredients such as MSG (hiding under the aliases “natural flavors,” “spices” and “autolyzed yeast extract”), hexane-extracted soy protein isolate,  wheat gluten or vital wheat gluten, wheat starch, carrageenan, canola oil, soybean oil  . . .     With ingredients like that, the Naughty Nutritionist is not jesting but dead serious when she says “Hide the soylami!”

• “Coffee shops are the perfect place for an afternoon date; go for the soymilk option when ordering your favorite beverage.”

And a good strong cuppa Joe might be just the thing to help hide the beany flavor and dingy color of soymilk, a product made palatable only because of its high sugar content.   Soymilk also offers cheap vitamins and minerals such as hard-to-absorb forms of calcium and vegetarian Vitamin D2 that’s been linked to hyperactivity, coronary heart disease and allergic reactions. 

• “There’s nothing more romantic than a home-made meal; set the mood by serving spaghetti and meatless meatballs with a glass of wine by candle light.” 

Love those meatless balls made out of textured vegetable protein, soy protein isolate, soy protein concentrate, wheat gluten, wheat starch, soybean oil, caramel color,  MSG (hiding in the guise of “natural flavorings,” “hydrolyzed protein,” “yeast extract” and “spices”),  dextrose, and even cultured dextrose.    Warning to devout vegans:  some brands of “meatless meatballs” contain egg whites.  On the plus side, they might also contain carrots, perhaps leading a romantic partner to say “What’s up, Doc?”

Needless to say,  the soy industry would have us believe the “goodness of soy” outweighs any possible risks associated with MSG and the other fine ingredients.   Our FDA, after all, allowed a soy/heart disease health claim back in 1999 though the European Food Safety Authority has rejected such a claim three times, making the “soy industry’s blood boil,” according to the newsletter NutraIngredients.    In fact, the body of evidence (http://www.westonaprice.org/soy-alert/soy-heart-health-claim) has established that soy protein does not prevent heart disease, does not reliably lower cholesterol, may raise homocysteine levels,  and has even been linked to heart arrhythmias, cardiomyopathy and endothelial damage in women.

As for affairs of the heart, soy actually has a reputation as a libido downer.   Rather than promote soy as a sexy food for Valentine’s Day, the Soyfoods Association of  North American missed a fine opportunity to push soy for President’s Day.   What better food than soy for politicians with the “zipper problem”!!!