Ice Cream/Vice Cream

Do you prefer your ice cream, hard or soft?    Hard ice cream can be good for health and libido, if and only if, formulated with cream, sugar, nuts, fruits or other real food ingredients.   Enjoyed as a special treat,of course,  meaning occasionally.   As for the soft serve, it’s mostly full of cold air.   Problem is the remaining ingredients of corn syrup, artificial flavors, thickeners, emulsifiers and coagulants.   How do they affect your health and libido?  Does the name Mister Softee mean anything?

That said, The Naughty Nutritionist® here has some firm opinions about the hard ice creams found in the stores.   She likes the wide availability of premium, high-fat brands in supermarkets, convenience stores and even airports.  The last can be our salvation when traveling!  Even better brands are now appearing in high end food marts, some made from organic — hopefully not pseudo organic — ingredients.   Our ideal, of course, is homemade ice cream with raw cream from pastured cows, but, that can be a bit of a production and hey, we all deserve the occasional, readymade treat.

So what do I look for when picking up ice cream?   Good lookers made out of real cream, eggs, sugar and other ingredients, with no corn syrup or HFCS, artificial sweeteners, flavorings  or other unwanted ingredients.    And nothing tricked out with cookies, cookie dough, candy and other dubious additions.   Not my kind of eye candy!

The Ben and Jerry’s line, of course, is the worst offender here, and it’s increasingly hard to find the old B&J favorites such as vanilla.   Instead, it’s Bonnaro Buzz, Karamel Sutra, Mission Marzipan, Maple Blondie and other bizarre offerings, with the latest being called Schweddy Balls.

Yup, Schweddy Balls.   Not a typo, and I am not making this up.   Haven’t tried it, but have to say I’m not nuts about the idea!

Nor do I plan to try a flavor called “Cold Sweat Ice Cream,” a hot new flavor in Japan that features chiles hot enough to burn our tongues, make our eyes tear up and cause us to sweat.   It’s said to be an aphrodisiac though I doubt it will loosen tongues to the point where we come right out and ask men “How hot is your chile?”    Other “I scream” aphrodisiac options from Japan include the flavors Oyster, Ox Tongue, and Pit Vipor.   Here in the U.S. the good scientists at Ohio State University seem to have novelty, more than naughtiness, on their minds and have developed Sauerkraut Sherbet and Mustard Ice Cream.   What market they’re targeting is anyone’s guess.

For true Vice Cream though we have to travel to the UK.    I’m not sure what it tastes like, but the top contender comes in a familiar blue pharmaceutical color — Viagra blue.  It’s called Viagra ice cream, and sold only to those over 18.